Should I Let My Pre-Teen Get a Relaxer or Perm?
By Eddie Simpson
When I was ten or eleven, I remember crying to my dad because my mother wouldn't let me get a Jheri Curl; because I was daddy's little girl, he took me to get one. About a year later, I went to my mother and asked her if I could shave my hair off on the sides like Salt-N-Pepa. For some reason, there wasn't any resistance and she actually did it herself. A couple years ago, I looked back at a picture of me at eleven years old with a Jheri Curl on top and shaved sides (don't you DARE laugh) and was appalled that my mother would let me do that. I am a mother of a pre-teen and there is no way I would ever...EVER...allow her get chemicals in her hair and/or shave her hair off, but that's me.
The pre-teen years are very awkward for both the children and the parent. During this stage, different children have so many different levels of maturity and responsibility. Some children are the caregiver to a younger sibling, may have to cook meals, or take care of an ill parent and other children may have no idea of what chores are, still sleep with a teddy and a night light, and depend on their parents for everything. Despite these major differences all of these kids are put in the same classrooms, and made to interact with one another every day. Although most children haven't established core values at this age, they do understand the laws of their home, for instance, they do know that their parents don't allow them to wear lip gloss or have their ears pierced, but when the girl sitting next to her is allowed to do these things, it may cause conflict and confusion as well as cause a child to begin to think independently.
This stage isn't easy for parents either. When I was in the fourth grade, my classmate wore lipstick, eye shadow and blush and teased her bangs like an adult. The other parent's were extremely judgmental of her mother and many of the them forbade their daughters from playing with her. Her parents obviously didn't find anything wrong with this and ultimately encouraged her. Although I am not that liberal I do believe I allow my daughter to express herself in ways that some parents wouldn't; should I stifle her creativity or self-expression so that I am not judged by others? When is the right time to let go, to allow your child to make their own decisions? When is it okay to allow your daughter to make choices about her hair, clothes, make-up, etc. I know that many parents take their que from other parents, but that's not always the best route to go, especially with hair care.
Allowing your daughter to pick out her own clothes or to wear fingernail polish or lip gloss probably won't really harm her, but allowing her to get a relaxer definitely can. Relaxers are filled with toxic ingredients that can cause severe damage to the hair, skin and follicles if used incorrectly (or if the child has a sensitivity or is allergic to the ingredients, which many children are). The effects of relaxers may be irreversible. Relaxed hair requires significant maintenance to avoid damage including hair loss and breakage. Studies have shown that more than 40% of African American girls have a case of hair loss or alopecia areata by the time they reach the age of 16 and are forced to wear wigs and weaves to cover up the damage. Also, the period of age 5-12 is a very crucial time for child development. Many feel that sitting a child down on a regular basis and altering her appearance is sending a message that she isn't pretty enough or good enough, which may lead to a negative psychological impact.
Being a mother of a child with seriously thick hair I understand the desire to relax. Relaxers give the impression of manageability and ease, when really it's just a trade off. Natural hair may take a bit more effort to style and manage, but relaxed hair takes a lot more effort to keep healthy and grow. Either way, taking care of your child's hair doesn't have to be a chore. Using natural products are awesome for manageability and strengthening the hair. Once a child's hair is healthy and strong, an occasional press and curl or flat-iron may be the way to go (if done correctly) instead of using chemicals to permanently straighten the hair.
About The Author:
I am a healthy hair care specialist, creator of Sweet Nature by Eddie comprehensive natural and healthy hair care system, author of Relaxed or Natural, You Can Have Beautiful, Healthy Hair, and the owner of http://www.fabulousblackwoman.com.
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